New Easy Job as a Fat Cat in CX

After twiddling my thumbs through several roles in CX for the last 8 years (TSBOE, MC ramp whale, frieghter whale, A300-600 whale, back to freighter whale and now general expert on everything Boeing), I have moved on to a new area - where nobody knows how lazy I am. Having told everybody before the application period closed that I had actually been given the job, I now find myself back-pedalling to make it look like I got the job on merit and an interview, rather than brown nosing and b.s. The exciting thing is that because the job position is new, I can just waltz in and start by doing a whole lot of nothing, followed by a bit of swanning around and finally some foghorning about how wonderful I am - and everyone will think I'm actually working.

(PS for anyone needin' the seed of a fat-cat love whale - see picture of latest happy customer above and ovulation chart below - mmmmmmmmmmm)

Yes, It Was Me I Fixed the Plane.

Well, after having been in Oz for a wedding, and to visit the 36 grey kangaroos on my estate. I have come back to work and fitted right back into the mold of Hero. It was so easy, sit around, say things that sound good and let my 2 other colleagues actually do the running around. Becaus if I run for more than 5 metres, I get this dizzy feeling and wake up strapped to an ECG monitor. What can I say - my work colleagues are schmucks and I'm wonderful...

My New Speed Boat

Those local Gold Coast fishermen must be really stupid. They sold me the best speed boat in the whole world and they only charged me HK$50,000. It's got the worlds most advanced engine and the handling is fantastic. But, some of my work colleagues say that because it is the same as the blue fishing boats that zip along at 50 knots in Hong Kong waters, that it can only go in a straight line and can't turn for poo. Since an accident this year with the same style boat overturned in calm waters at speed and 2 people drowned at Chinese New Year. What do they know eh? I know everything!

My Day Off Sick (apologies to Ferris Bueller)

Having left the office a good 2 hrs early, after a days hard websurfing for a new radio for my motorised bathtub, and telling everybody how my boat, The Quake, was "hardly scratched" during the typhoon. I just had to dump on my work colleagues that little bit more by telling them I did not feel well, and that I would probably be sick the next day. Hee hee!

They bought it, hook line and sinker. The next day, my "sick" day, I spent having a beer around the Gold Coast - ho, ho, ho. But, little did I know my joy was short lived. Because I was spotted at the boozer laughing and joking.

Now I look like a prize prat.

Weddings - Great for Photos of Women

Recently one of my daughters gave me a wonderful gift. A wedding! No, not mine - hers. Confused? Let me explain. As a middle aged man, I like nothing better than ogling young ladies. In particular the wives, friends and girlfriends at my daughters wedding. I am quite expert at taking cleavage shots, while pretending to be slightly inebriated. My wife is clueless as to my photographic quest, and thinks I am just being friendly - while I have my15 megapixel, 10mm, fisheye lens shoved into our nearest and dearest's chest.

The best part is looking at the pictures at work with my 'mates' and impressing them with my artwork. Though actually they think I'm an idiot, and find it extremely offensive to see their own wives exposed in such a way. Oh well, there's no pleasing everybody, eh?

Boracay is So Cheap for the Tight @rse

Well, I decided to treat the little wife and me to a dirt cheap holiday in Boracay, Philipines. It was pure pleasure to pay only 25 cents for a beer. The locals live in small houses, while the hotel we stayed in was the biggest thing on the island, which was something I could brag to my mates about(!) We took a trip on a boat, it had worn paint and patches on the sails, the local people really make things look authentic. And yet still so cheap. The staff in the hotels that served us gut busting food and intoxicating liquor must accept low wages and small houses - so as to entertain us fat, lardy, loud and brash westerners....ooh yeah!